loud silence.

5:23 in the morning. for this past week those numbers are a usual. i've always known my sleep patterns have been terrible, but for some reason within the last few weeks within 09', my sleep habits have only gotten worse. i lay down and try to get sleep, only to lay there wide awake and get up from restlessness and too much thinking. i can't say i know what is going on with me, because i am honestly unsure. with the arrival of 2010, so many thoughts ran through my mind. along with events that changed me, and people that are still with me, and the ones that didn't make it to share the present with me. soo many people have impacted me up to this far in time, and i can't begin to thank you for what you've shown me. i continue on the path to find myself. which i begin to find at times seems like a really long road. but i am doing my best to be the best person possible without driving away from being myself. i've also come to see that my biggest enemy is myself. as i begin to start something of any nature, i also start to see the one to shoot down my own actions is myself. within learning from my past and recent experiences, i've begun to see that a lot of what has come NOW, has seemed to involve a lot to do with learning what integrity and character really is. i've met SOO many new people, SOO many things have changed for me, and SOO many things are going on with me. new doors have opened, and as i walk through, i am trying my best to carefully take the right steps, and take in every aspect of this walk. during this i feel at times the shoes given to me to walk in, i may not be able to fill. and to be honest, i am both scared and excited. but i'm up for the journey with no question. i've also realized that this is a very pivotal point in my life. what i do and go from here is only a reflection of where i'm going to take myself. i can only trust in myself to make my own choices and decisions. amongst all of this has also shown what my DRIVE really is. motivation is always key, but nonetheless i find that is always hard to keep going as well. but i can tell myself the truth that i'm pushing hard! with mistakes i've made as a person, i know to learn from those and let go. i will do what i can do possible to grow as a better person, as an adult, and most of all, as a man. the new year helps with all of this, a good way to start fresh. i know to try not to think too much, but i find it near impossible not to. realizing what's real and what isn't. realizing who's real and who's not. my passion for what i love is what keeps me sane. i love what i do, and i can't begin to put together the words for it. with everything together, the problems, the stress, times of depression, and the happiness...i can only turn to what i love to drive everything away. it leaves me completely in an imeasureable high. for that time, i'm gone, i'm out of sight, i'm out of mind, i'm in a world of my own...i'm me.

-george